Mostly I’m just really really proud of my man and extremely grateful for the opportunity that he has to receive this education and become a doctor. I know there are horrors coming, but right now we’re both pretty pumped. We’ve had an entire month together just to hang out, relax, explore the city, put our house together, team up on parenting the little lady, and talk about what’s coming. We’ve been anxious to just start already, ya know? His white coat ceremony was on Friday and I loved it. It was exactly like a graduation, except at the beginning (which is weird) but it pretty much just affirmed in my mind how proud I am of Tanner for being the smart ambitious guy that he is, for making it into medical school in the first place, and what a great doctor he’s going to be. It’s much easier to be supportive when he’s so sure that this is what he wants to do and I’m positive that this is what will make him happy. (happy husband, happy life, right?)
I’ve been sucking up tons of advice from other med school wives which has a way of both comforting and terrifying me at the same time. It’s a combination of “this is going to suck so so so bad–but you can do it!” Basically the way I would sum things up is that I just need to develop a really thick skin. Emotionally, I will just need to let things go, not take things personally, not be needy. Chill out, calm down, lighten up, be flexible and laid back. Just do things without stewing resentment that Tanner never helps or that he never gets up with the baby or that he hasn’t helped with Camryn in weeks. I’m going to need an enormous reservoir of patience and understanding for both Tanner and my babies. I’m going to need the sense of humor to laugh at things that really, truly aren’t funny (which may result in many a sarcastic blog post because that’s kind of how I do that). I’m going to need to not harp on things that don’t matter, so that when I do have time with Tanner, it’s good, happy rejuvenating time for both of us instead of bitter and resentful. That’s what I’ve gathered.
I’d consider myself a pretty emotionally stable person, and all of those things are things that I know I’m capable of. . . but on the other hand, my 2 year old seems to have super powers and it is mind blowingly unreal how fast one temper tantrum can break human’s spirit. Even a person who has just had a month long vacation with 24/7 help and support, let alone one who’s been parenting solo for a while.
Mostly what I’m trying to say is that any of you are welcome for a visit ANYTIME!! Kansas City is the bees knees. I offer free room and board (read: queen sized air mattress on my living room floor) in exchange for adult company and conversation. I also accept sympathy gifts of all kinds. If you’re struggling for ideas there, you can never go wrong with a massage gift card along with $ for a babysitter.
But really for now, I’m doing great. People have been awesome, I’ve made tons of friends. I have people. I recently read The Fault in Our Stars and wrote down this quote: “WONDERFUL NEWS: you are going to live a good and long life filled with great and terrible moments that you cannot even imagine yet”
That’s pretty much how I’m feeling and its feeling pretty wonderful.