Here we are


We’re in Kansas City now.

I just wanted to share some bad photos and really disjointed thoughts about our move.

The day before we moved I should have been cleaning my heart out, but I really really just wanted to take Camryn to the pool and get one more day out of our Provo Rec passes.  I felt dumb the whole time getting ready and leaving because I had the longest to-do list of all time, but I just wanted to anyway.  So we went, and I had one of the funnest times I’ve ever had with Camryn.  Last week Tanner introduced her to the “big slides” which it had never even occurred to me to take her on because they are huge and clearly not toddler friendly.  But Tanner took her on them and she did fine and loved them and hasn’t wanted anything to do with the kiddie pool ever since.  We rode them 8 times (which is a feat, because, those stairs.  there are a lot of them.)  And they are big enough that they are fun and scary for me, and Camryn just laughs her head off the whole way down saying “cr-aaaaazy!”

We packed the truck and cleaned Monday night and drove away Tuesday morning.  And I just have to share that management at my apartment are the biggest group of airheads on the planet and decided that MONDAY of all days, they were going to send the plumber to fix the tub that I have been badgering them about for 4 entire complete solid months.  The job required them to access the tub through a hole behind our stove (don’t ask) meaning they had to pull the stove/oven out, placing it in front of our fridge, while one of them was in the kitchen and one of them was in the bathroom.  So I couldn’t clean my fridge or finish packing my kitchen (which was the plan of the hour, make that 2) I couldn’t clean my oven.  I couldn’t clean my bathroom.  I couldn’t eat.  and I couldn’t pee.   And I was one pissed pregnant lady.  I wouldn’t have even let them in the door, but we were gone picking up our moving truck and my friend who was watching camryn let them in.  And management got a very angry phone call.  The end.

We sold our Buddy scooter and we’re really sad about it.  We took one last ride around Provo on it and then sent it off with some punk college kid who probably won’t love it enough.

Monday night we slept on an air mattress in our living room since everything, including our bed, was packed away.  I woke up waaay to early to the neighbor’s lion of a dog barking it’s head off (it’s head that is twice the size of our dogs body btw) and somebody banging their way up and down those dang metal stairs over and over, and what I think I’m trying to say is that I am not going to miss our old apartment one tiny bit.

CAM01075 CAM01077 IMG_0347CAM01079 CAM01087 IMG_0353 IMG_0357 IMG_0360 CAM01027We started our long trek across the plains, and just one hour into the drive, before we’d gotten anywhere close to any plains, Camryn started puking.  The only thing she’d eaten all morning was strawberries, so when I looked back, all I saw was red spewing out of her mouth and for one second my heart stopped because I thought she was throwing up blood.  After that little fiasco was over, she did amazingly well.  I don’t know that was all about but I’m just so glad it didn’t continue because that would have made our already long day so much longer!

Colorado was stunningly beautiful and then it was cold.  We probably need to live in Georgetown someday.

IMG_0372 IMG_0387 IMG_0395 dvd player.  money well spent.CAM01095 CAM01096 And then we hit a FREEEEAK lighting/rain/hailstorm completely out of nowhere.  It was sprinkling and then it was like monsooning one second later.  Hands down the worst weather I’ve ever driven in (ok, blizzards are worse, but I’m usually not the driver) and I slowed down to like 10 mph and was trying to decide whether it was safer to just pull over altogether or if that would just get me hit, and then the hail started.  And OMG.  I felt like we were getting shot at and that surely the windshield was going to shatter and that when we stopped our car was going to be a dented pulp like you see on the weather news sometimes from baseball sized hail.  Maybe I was being dramatic, because the car was fine, but that was scary.  We stopped at Arby’s, it stopped raining, and we decided to keep going the 2 hours until our hotel reservation, and had clear roads for the rest of the night.  What the heck Kansas??

But then the next day, Kansas made up for it because that state is totally beautiful.  And there were so many windmills and remember how once I wanted to be an engineer?  Well it’s because I wanted to engineer renewable energy sources, and am I weird that i think windmills are one of the most beautiful things there are?  For about a hundred miles, I reconsidered my career options, and maybe I will just have to be an engineer after all.

We bought walkie talkies for the road since Tanner would be in the truck and I’d be in the car the whole time, and it was a fantastic idea.  You’d think we could just use our phones, but the walkie talkies were so worth it and made it so much faster and easier to communicate immediately instead of fiddling with phones (which is more dangerous anyway)  it made the driving less lonely and my only complaint is that we drained the batteries too fast so we didn’t have them the whole time.

CAM01101 CAM01106 CAM01111 CAM01112 And then we got here!  And walking into our new house, we just were completely overwhelmed and didn’t have a clue what to do with ourselves first because there was just so much to do.  We had called the bishop and asked for some help unloading our truck and a very nice young couple showed up to help us, plus the bishop and one more guy and little while later, and we were so grateful.  And now I have one friend.  Her name is Becca.

We are cleaning and unpacking and cleaning and unpacking and screwing things into the wall and spending way too much money at Lowe’s which is just down the road.  My sister just moved into a new house and she texted me last month–“warning!  moving into a house makes you want to spend so much money!! but most of the things are just wants, not needs”  Well she was right.  We could go drop at least $2000 more at Lowe’s without even feeling extravagant.  Lawn mower, air conditioning unit for my loft space, closet rods, rugs, kitchen chairs, organizing bins, screws, picture hanging materials, used dresser for our bedroom.  And. . . it turns out that since we switched banks, after depositing all of our checks into our new account here, our funds aren’t available for another 5 days.  So we had this really awkward moment at a discount grocery store that we went to where they didn’t take AmEX OR Visa (our 2 credit cards) and we tried our new bank debit cards not realizing the funds weren’t there yet–declined–and we were just pulling out card after card and looking like total broke fools.  Tanner finally ran out to the car and happened to find our last $60 of cash (our total was $53) and that was totally embarrassing.

My loft space is amazing!!  I know it doesn’t look that amazing,  but the room has so much potential and I’m hoping with shop funds to eventually really do a lot with the place. For starters, we installed an AC unit.  (I’m seeing a lot of the fix-it man side of Tanner that I have not once ever seen of him and I really love it) And then I started scrubbing the floor with a bucket of water and scrub brush on my hands and knees Cinderella style and was soooo pleasantly surprised.  I had no idea what was hiding under there and had been planning on just covering it up with a rug.  Look though!  Look!

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And then one morning we woke up and found a turtle on our patio.  There are squirrels all over the place, the fruit flies are out of control, and there is a nightly bird cry happening that I keep insisting is not a bird because there is no way that sound can be coming from a living creature. And fireflies are so cool!

There is a park nearby with a giant penguin + an elephant, giraffe, and kangaroo.  All huge size. It’s a pretty great park.

I was worried Camryn might have a hard time in a new nursery at church today, but she thrived.  Loved it.  Didn’t want to leave.  And sometimes I just think that she’d be a whole lot happier if I took her to daycare every day.  When we picked her up, they told us she was a great listener and we laughed about it the whole way home because I’m pretty sure that all the parents watching us use the full strength of two adults to drag her across the penguin park and force her into her car seat while she hysterically objected did not think that she is a great listener.  Ditto to the bank tellers when we had to leave the bank and wouldn’t let her have a 4th sucker on her way out.  Anybody have some parenting books to send my way?  Because the one I’m reading isn’t doing it for me.

IMG_0425 CAM01136Namaste from Kansas City


Ode to Provo

This one has been marinating for a while.  And sometimes when a post marinates for a while, it’s just about written and perfect by the time I actually sit down and type it.  And then other times, like this time, it’s not done marinating, but it’s never going to be done marinating and I just have to write it, even though I know with absolute certainly that it’s just going to come out all wrong.  I’m pretty sure I’m not going to like how it turns out, but I’m going to try anyway.  Tomorrow is my very last day here until we drive away for good, and by the time you read this I’ll be halfway to Missouri!


Provo is my home and has been my home for seven years.

Land of mormons, home of the cougars, this is where I ventured, an unsure but excited and optimistic freshman. Where I blossomed and explored and became. Where I spend hours wandering sidewalks and sitting on picnic tables on the phone with old friends that I missed dearly before making new ones that would be come just as dear. Where I lived with girls who became my confidants, my study buddies, my ride to the grocery store, my shoulder to cry on, the mouths to feed my first culinary attempts to and the ears to hear my first guitar pluckings. They were everything to me and the best people in the entire world. I heard and told 10 million date recaps, gave and received outfit advice, watched jealously as all those shorties shared clothes, but not with me because I was a foot taller than any of them.  I ate lots of hot dog and tater tot casserole. And goulash. I stayed up all night with them every year the night before cleaning checks because we never started packing until after finals.  I made fun of them for watching their favorite parts of chick flicks over and over and over, repeatedly rewinding.  Every fall we bought peaches at a roadside stand and drove up Provo’s canyon to see the colors. We talked and talked and talked and talked and talked because that’s what 20 year old girls do. They strengthened my faith, bore my burdens, rejoiced at my successes, and helped me heal from my falls. And along the way we laughed. Hard and often.

Here I shared myself, opened my heart, framed opinions, strengthened convictions. Here, I ran.  Up hills, around temples, along the river, miles and miles with much on my mind.  This is where I fell in and out of love. For the first time, and for the last time. Here, I held hands and I kissed and I loved. I watched movies, went to shows, rode on the back of their motorcycles and studied with them in the library. Here I fell in love with my husband. We hiked so many trails and peaks and talked and planned and dreamed up our lives together. We bowled in Provo’s bowling alley’s, we drank her jamba juices, we played her air hockey tables.  He proposed to me up on the mountain and after we married we had our first apartment here.  And our second and our third.  We bought our first car and that adorable little Buddy scooter, and a bench for our kitchen table.  We rejoiced every time it snowed and skied every chance we got. Even if it meant late nights in the library afterwards.

Oh, the library. The good old Harold B. Lee.  Here, I studied.  On this campus my mind was opened and a wealth of knowledge was poured inside.  I read and read and read.  I wrote and revised, I failed and succeeded.  I learned and I loved it.  I reveled in it, wanting more always.  I threw pots (you know, like on a wheel), I spoke spanish, I designed on CAD programs, I analyzed Shakespeare, I presented papers.  I decided to become an industrial designer, and then an architect, an engineer, and then an English major.  And then I decided to become a writer.  I walked BYU’s campus endlessly, trudged those stairs daily, frequented that testing center, ate from those vending machines. In the Marriott Center where I’d seen basketball games, ballroom dance competitions, devotionals, and other graduations, I walked across a stage in long blue robes and a funny hat and I received my diploma.  And I got to watch my husband do the same 3 years later.

I cheered in that stadium where I saw many a football game, Carrie Underwood and a firework show, and once–broke into that stadium.  Late at night during a brilliant freak October snowstorm and watched the snow pile up on the bleachers. I lived at Wyview, Bountiful Court, Raintree, and my grandparent’s house, plus 3 apartments with Tanner, with summer’s home and in Guatemala in between. I moved more than a dozen times, packing and unpacking but always–in Provo.  Those apartments with tiny bedrooms, impossibly loud bathroom fans, saggy couches, leaky everythings, and awkward neighbors who liked to make out in in the stairwells, smoke marijuana, cook smelly food, fight with spouses.

Provo’s hospital is where I visited my dying grandmother and gave her an invitation to my wedding that she wouldn’t live to see.  That hospital is where I unexpectedly lost my other grandmother three weeks later, mourning with my family in the halls of it’s ER.  In Provo’s cemeteries they are buried.  That hospital employed my husband and paid our bills.  It is also the hospital where I delivered my first child and became a mother.  After months of a growing belly, weird pains and exciting appointments–I held my little baby Camryn.  I took her home to that cute little blue house on 5th East with the yellow front door and learned how to be a mom, and nurse a newborn, and function without sleep.  Here I walked many neighborhood sidewalks with a new baby in my stroller, trying to get some fresh air, and break up the often lonely days of new motherhood.

I trained for Lotoja, biking what seemed like every single road in and out of Provo.  Past the cemetery, to the lake, University Avenue, up and down Provo Canyon, past Timpanogos park, Nun’s park, bridal veil falls, Vivian park. Here I learned to bookbind, started and built my small little business that I love. I worshipped in Provo’s temple, was taken care of by her relief societies,  frequented Smith’s grocery store, loathed Walmart,  endlessly cursed orange barrels, loved and hated her winters. I worked at Blickenstaff’s at the Riverwoods and then a Pinnacle Security call center (because who makes it 7 years in Provo without ever working for a security company?) Almost every single day, I looked up at Mt. Timpanogos in awe and said “look how beautiful that mountain is”. I had jaw surgery, I rockclimbed in Rock Canyon, I barbequed at Kiwanis park, I went to BYU’s gym and Gold’s gym and did yoga on University avenue, washed my clothes in the Wash hut, spent Saturday mornings at the farmers market, took my toddler to the splash pad.  I went to movies, rooftop conerts, art walks, June brass band nights in the park, and ate at Station 22.

Here I made so. many. friends. too many to name, but you know who you are.  My roommate friends, my school friends, my boyfriends, my Guate friends.  The ones I rollerbladed with, lunched with, studied with, practiced yoga with, passed long toddler-watching hours at the park with.  So many of you have moved away already, meaning that the friends I am saying goodbye to this week are just a small portion of my “Provo friends”, but every one of you have made this place mean so much to me.   So, Provo, you have a piece of my heart. Thanks for the good times, it’s been real. Goodbye and farewell.