I’m havin a baby!
I’m already 17 weeks along, and in case you’re wondering, I didn’t for any particular reason intentionally hold out announcing it to the internet. Mostly I was serving my own vanity and waiting until I had a halfway decent picture to post along with the announcement. Aaaand as you can see, my standards for such things aren’t terribly high, but the previous 5 attempts were deplorable and I decided this one would have to do even though it clearly necessitates a caption of “someone needs to tell that girl that tight white shirts are off limits with her new tumor of a belly button.” Don’t worry, I got it. Sometimes you’re just don’t see things like that until you see the cold hard camera phone evidence, ya know? (I debated pointing out the belly button, but who are we kidding, you were not going to miss that belly button) Anyways, belly shots are such an awkward business and I always feel uncharacteristically uncomfortable taking them, because there’re those ones with the two armed caressing of the belly and the loving gaze, and then there’re the ones with the one handed holding of the belly that’s so low it kind of looks like they’re holding their crotch, and then there’re the bathroom selfies, and bottom line just a lot of ways to go wrong or feel awkward or look stupid. And that’s all I have to say about that.
On to actually announcing my pregnancy. I’m 17 weeks. And don’t hate, but this has been the easiest pregnancy in the entire world and I feel completely great. And have almost the entire way through. I feel a weird need to apologize for even saying that, like all the barfing miserable pregnant women in the world are just going to hate on me, but a pregnant friend said to me “are you kidding me? I feel like crap all the time and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!” so hopefully she’s not the only one. I did have a while of total exhaustion and wanting to sleep all the time, and I was pretty sick a lot of our Kansas City trip (though I’m prone to motion sickness and we were on 4 flights and driving around from house to house the whole trip, so was it even pregnancy sick or just motion sick? who knows. Also the 2 smokers house we visited definitely didn’t help) but I just really haven’t even been nauseous at all this time around. I just kept waiting and bracing myself for it in complete and utter terror, because I’m a total baby about being sick, but it just never came. I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful for anything in my life, because the weeks that I should have been the sickest were the weeks that I was preparing for the beehive bazaar, flying across the country to house-hunt, buying a house, having Tanner gone alllll the time with final projects and finals week and lots of call nights at the hospital. Oh and my toddler turned into a completely irrational and out of control demon child for about 6 weeks. It was a phase and she’s back to mostly sweet with bouts of demonic behavior but oooooh man. That phase took years off my life and was hands down the absolute hardest parenting month to date. So thank you thank you thank you to my unborn child who decided to take things easy on me.
I’m wondering if my lack of illness has been that I’m so busy and didn’t have much time to think about it? Or that I’ve been way more active than I was the first time around? Something tells me that continuing to practice yoga has had a lot to do with it, though I couldn’t explain why. My first pregnancy I was working in a call center and sat at a desk all day every day. In addition to that, I was really unsure/worried about what was ok and what wasn’t exercise-wise, so I mostly didn’t exercise, or did way toned-down versions of what I was used to. This time I’m doing things totally different and have continued my workouts and yoga like normal, just listening to my body and only slowing down if something feels wrong or if my heart rate is too high. It feels a lot better to not be treating my body like pregnant=invalid. Not to mention my day-to-day activities are a lot more active than my old desk job and I get as much sleep as I need because I can nap for 2-3 hours every afternoon while my toddler does. If I want to.
I went in for my first appointment at what I was sure was 12 weeks (the lady on the phone was like “ya. . . we like to see you first between 8-12 weeks, so let’s get you in, like, today” oops.) And after those nurses and doctors did all that stuff nurses and doctors do, they told me I was not, in fact, 12 weeks along, but 14 1/2. !! Woop woop. What a absolutely lovely thing to hear. They pushed my due date up an entire 16 days which I’m particularly pleased about not just for the obvious reason, but also because I’d like the baby’s birthday to be as far away from the holidays as possible (too much celebrating, ya know?) and now my due date is Nov 2! 🙂 I’m hoping for an October baby because wouldn’t October be just an ideal month to be born? Halloween maybe! I don’t want to get too excited, because how accurate are those things anyway? But he said pretty accurate and I feel like he must be right because there is no way I’m 15 weeks right now. I wasn’t even showing by that point last pregnancy and this time, I’ve already had 1 completely stranger ask if I was pregnant, and 1 friend tell me I already was showing as much as our 25 week along friend, SO. There you have it. I’m showing a lot more this time. And also the time has flown by a million times faster what with it being not my first and me being so busy and not sick, and having my due date pushed up. I almost feel a little bad for the little thing. I haven’t even so much as downloaded an app to tell me it’s daily fruit size yet. Or even once cracked “what to expect”.
I worried that pregnancy and giving birth would lose it’s specialness after my first one. Like it wouldn’t be as exciting to find out, and to find out the gender, and to feel them kick for the first time and everything like that. But that definitely hasn’t been the case. In a way it’s more special because I know how great of a thing I have to look forward to and I know what a special privilege it is to bring a human into this world and raise them. I also have a very different attitude towards pregnancy and birth–before Camryn, I’d viewed pregnancy as 9 months of misery that you have to endure, and labor as the great and final misery you have to endure, before getting the end goal and prize which is your lovely baby. (and for those with hard pregnancies, that may be a reality, which I totally respect) But now I view the whole process and the whole pregnancy as such a beautiful thing. And labor and delivery is kind of on a pedestal in my mind as one of the greatest things I get to experience in this life and a day that I look forward to with huge excitement instead of fear or dread. I can’t wait.
One bittersweet part of making these happy announcements is that I am so much more aware than I used to be of those waiting for their own babies. Waiting, for whatever reason, for their own special pregnancy and their own birth day and their own tiny newborn. My heart goes out to you, and hurts for you and I feel like I’m one of those people who want to lift you up, but don’t know what to say, or always say the wrong thing. The only thing I know to say is that I send you all my love and hope with all my heart that you get those little babies you are praying for.